So I used to have this Tumblr called Pretentious Mixtapes I Made In High School, in which I posted pretentious mixtapes I made in high school. (I actually still have that blog, but it has since degraded into pictures of Jaden and Willow Smith, in hopes that they will stumble across it and adopt me as their sister.) Even though this is supposed to be a Serious Website, I’ve decided to continue Pretentious Mixtapes as a segment on this blog. I will still call my mixes “tapes” and “made in high school” because I like cassettes and I plan on being the oldest teenager who ever lived.
For our first mix, here’s this year’s Halloween tape: 1300 McKinley.
Why It’s Pretentious: Though not nearly as epic as last year’s 90-minute tape about ghostly hitchhikers, this mix is not any less pretentious. It’s designed to follow the plot of your typical haunted house movie, complete with an opening credits/intro track and a jarringly upbeat yet ironic ending credits song. (Yeah, I’m a big fan of the Scream movies, why do you ask?)
“So what?” You say. “That’s mediocrely pretentious, like being vegan or pretending not to like Bon Jovi.”
O! Ye of little faith.
The mix is then split into three smaller sections — EPs, if you will — which can be played in any order. The way I have it set up is the horror movie arc:
- family moves in, ghostly activity happens, but one of them (the daughter, let’s say) feels drawn to the spirit world and begins communicating with ghosts
- one of the ghosts tells the daughter about his/her gruesome death (in this case, something vaguely related to infidelity and maybe slavery)
- daughter thinks she has relieved the spirit by helping it express its pain, but hahaha, actually her dad goes crazy and kills everyone AND THE GHOSTS/HAUNTED HOUSE WINS AGAIN, FOOLS
But feel free to mess around with it. Put it in chronological order! Put it in reverse order! Ignore the ghost story! It’s like a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure mixtape! It flows whichever way, as long as you keep each EP together. I’m going to keep calling them EPs because pretentious.
Listen: Stream the mix below or subscribe to it on Spotify.
Download: If you miss the times of uninterrupted mixtapes, right-click save-as to download the full mix, which includes two extra tracks. The first is Natalie Prass and Among Savages’ “When I Am Alone,” which is actually a pretty essential plot-song on this mix, as well as just being beautiful. The second is the Daytrotter version of Turbo Fruits’ “Colt .45” because, well, that’s the version I have.
Happy Halloween, babes and dweebs!