Treatise on the Fav Babe

 

Originally posted on my less-serious blog, my Treatise on the Fav Babe (and its accompanying mixtape) essentially defines my values, albeit in a totally ridiculous, terribly punctuated, unnecessarily capitalized way. It is reproduced here in its entirety.

A Treatise on the Fav Babe

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, BABESHIP (BABEDOM) HAS LITTLE TO DO WITH LOOKS ALTHOUGH BABES MAY ALSO BE HOT OR CUTE OR WHATHAVEYOU THE TRUE FAV BABE IS A BABE ON THE INSIDE A BABE OF THE SPIRIT A BABE OF THE SOUL

THE QUALITIES OF A FAV BABE MAY CHANGE DEPENDING ON THE VALUES OF EACH INDIVIDUAL BUT CERTAIN ONES REMAIN THE SAME AND THEY ARE

1. SINCERITY, OR BY ANOTHER NAME: AUTHENTICITY

THE FAV BABE IS AN HONEST INDIVIDUAL TRUE TO THEMSELVES AND HAPPY WHEN THEY ARE HAPPY AND SAD WHEN THEY ARE SAD AND YOU TAKE THEM OR LEAVE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE AND THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK (EVEN IF THEY GIVE A FUCk THEY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK!!!)

2. THE ABILITY TO SHRED

BONUS POINTS FOR AN UNEXPECTED ABILITY TO SHREAD LIKE WHEN YOU PLAY REALLY BOUNCEY POP MUSIC WITH GLOCKENSPIELS BUT WHEN YOU GET ON STAGE YOU SHRED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER AND JUMP OFF EVERYTHING IN SIGHT THIS MEANS YOU OBERHOFER

3. ADORABLENESS

FUCK IT, IF YOU’RE CUTE, YOU’RE PROBABLY A FAV BABE. IF YOU PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE CONSTANTLY EVEN WHEN YOU ARE TEARING UP MY HEART VIA NSYNC, YOU ARE DEFINITELY A FAV BABE.

4. THE ABILITY TO PUT INTO WORDS WHAT OTHERS CANNOT

PARTICULARLY IF THOSE FEELINGS ARE UNIVERSAL IF YOU CAN CAPTURE THE PURITY OF BEING IN LOVE IN A SONG THEN YOU ARE A FAV BABE

I DON’T BELIEVE IN GUILTY PLEASURES BECAUSE YOU LOVE WHAT YOU LOVE AND THAT’S BEAUTIFUL ALWAYS

THE SMITHS: BABES.

JENNY OWEN YOUNGS: BABE.

JEFF THE BROTHERHOOD: BROTHER BABES.

SELENA GOMEZ: BABE.

BEYONCE: BABE.

NIRVANA: BABES.

DAVID BOWIE: BABE.

THE DRUMS: BABES.

EVAN P DONOHUE: BABE.

KE$HA: BABE.

THE EXPLODING HEARTS: BABES.

BIG SURR: BABES.

JOJO: BABE.

BACKSTREET BOYS: BACKSTREET BABES.

OBERHOFER: BABE.

BEST COAST: BABE.

YOU ARE ALL MY FAV BABES

YOU ARE ALL MY FAV BABES

SHRED HARD AND LOVE FOREVER

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